I know you don’t recognize yourself anymore. I know you feel like you’re a different person than who you were before. The person you worked hard to become was gone and you want her back but you don’t really know how.
Tonight, you are wondering how to be confident again, how to be the real you, how to find the happiness you once knew, how to put your thoughts into words and actions like the brave girl you were.
Everything has changed. You don’t recognize yourself anymore. You try so hard to be the perfect mom, the perfect partner that you forgot how to be good enough while keeping your sanity.
I know you imagine and wish for the days where you have the voice to speak and the strength to face people. You wish it’s real. You wish you have the courage that you once had. You crave the moments where you’re not afraid to speak your thoughts. You wish you can go back to the days where you won’t really think about what other people think of you.
You don’t know how.
You have no one to help you. Hell, you have no one to talk to.
You lost your voice because you are once silenced by a loud voice you will never forget.
You’re scared to face people because someone made you feel that you were not good enough.
You feel like you’re a bad parent because no matter what you do, someone made you feel that you were not good enough for your child. Someone made you feel that everything you do is wrong.
You wish those things did not happen.
Because maybe things would be different. Maybe you were more confident, stronger, braver.
A shout silenced you. A judgment shied you.
Now, you’re in the middle of a maze and you have no idea how to get out. You have no idea how to get yourself back.
You wish you had help. You wish someone cares about you as much as you cared for the people around you.
You wish someone would listen, really listen. You wish you had someone on your corner willing to understand what you were going through.
You look at your kids and all you see is pure love. So even though you lost yourself in the process, you got to stand up and try to figure another day because a tiny human being depends on you. Their heart is innocent and you want them to not feel what you felt. You want them to stand up and fight for themselves.
So you stand up for them. You wake up each day fighting because someone is looking up to you.
And maybe one day, you’ll find yourself.
Slowly, and surely, try to do things you used to do and maybe, just maybe, you’ll return to who you were — your best self.
You need to. You need that best self because you can’t give what you don’t have. So if you want your kids to feel love, love yourself.
If you want that little one to feel confident, be confident. Do it for you. Do it for them. It’s okay to pause, it’s okay to breathe.
Make them happy and fight for them every day because you don’t want them to feel one of the worst feelings in the world — breathing but not living, walking but dead.