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What’s stopping you from moving out and starting your family in your own home? Is it funds, or absence of emotionally supportive network? I’ve been stuck in that groove too so my partner and I decided we need to make an plan.
It wasn’t an overnight success. I cried and worried for many nights and days not knowing what to do. I have no idea. This is my first time. I mean, yeah, first time mom and partner, first time away from my parents, no one to ask help from.
A little background, I am from Davao City but my partner and I decided to move in Cavite (a decision I somehow regret but have to live with). We were living with his family which is just fine but I am not a person who likes people around. I grew up with having just me, my mom, dad and my sister, that’s it. Our social life was built up in church and that’s where we spent our entire life.
For new families living with relatives, people say you really have to adjust. You’re asking a favor of living with them maybe because of finances or support. Yes, that’s true, we needed their help but sometimes, it comes to a point where they feel too complacent and you can’t move in ways you wanted. It gives me headache thinking of the things I wanted to do or how I approach my son or the peace and quiet I’ve been longing. It’s not my house, so I am not in the position to demand.
We finally decided to move out and follow what we wanted. It may not be our own house but it is something. Here are the things I did to prepare for the big move.
So how do you prepare yourself and your family so you can move out?
Give yourself a timeline
Don’t decide in a day or week. Give yourself months to prepare. My partner and I allocated 3 months to move out so we’ll be totally ready. Do not make a big careless move and at the end of the day, you go back to where you started because you didn’t plan ahead.
Be Financially Prepared
Whoever is better in making money and handling budget should be the one saving. That new makeup you wanted can wait, just save whatever you can save until you reach the amount needed. My partner and I saved 3,500 bi-weekly so we can afford a month advance and a month deposit for the apartment. Luckily, we had much time because the apartment is not finished yet and we have to wait until it’s done so that gave us more time to save.
I made sure I set aside the money first and the needs next then the wants. I calculate every expense I spent and I made sure I don’t waste money for nonsensical things.
I also budget the money we needed for the home stuff we have to buy. I made sure I check prices first before I buy to compare which is cheaper and more efficient.
Be Physically prepared
Make sure to take care of your health and eat only healthy foods. If you wanted to move out, you have to make sure you and the little family of yours are healthy so you don’t save an extra dime on medical expense. I exercise as well to prepare myself. I need to be more active as I need to move a lot more than before. Take those vitamins, you needed them.
Be Emotionally prepared
Unless you have supportive relatives nearby, then you should be fine. You can always ask for emotional and physical support. But in my case, my parents are in Korea and I don’t know anyone here in Cavite.
No one can look after Dreu if I have to go out or bath unless we get a nanny or helper. It’ll be just me and my partner. I knew I have to prepare for the nights I have to cry out because of the loneliness or feeling of being neglected or stressed.
You have to realize that whatever happens, this time, you should be the responsible one and you have to look after the wellbeing of your family and yourself.
It takes more than these things listed to be prepared. It takes courage and strong will to finally decide that you wanted to move out and start a new life with your family.
You have to adjust and balance everything. It may be hard in the beginning but think about the happiness it will bring you in the long run. I decided I won’t settle for less anymore. I don’t want to be in a situation where I’d say “I should’ve moved when given the chance.”
You have to plan it and be prepared for it. Do it when you wanted it and if necessary. It’ll give you peace of mind and you will discover your capability as a mother and as a partner.
Take your time.
Write things down. Look at the mirror and ask yourself, “Are you happy in your current situation?” If yes, then good; if no, then you better start making some change.
Who else is gonna do it for you, but only you.